This seems to be a very touchy subject for many couples - both the engaged and the parents!
How much is too much for parental involvement?
Many adults seem to be waiting in life and getting married a little later - waiting until college, jobs, homes have already been started prior to finally tying the knot. There seems to be a much greater trend in these adults having to fend for themselves without financial help from family... But often times families still try to pitch in when they can - especially for younger couples. When this happens - does that give the parents the right to justify their ability to also make decisions in regards to how that money is spent? Some parents seem to think so, while the engaged couple does not... So what happens now?
We see this all too often at many weddings, and of course we have no right at all to interfere or become involved. But hearing and seeing it happen over and over again - makes me really question who is in the right? or are either???
My personal thoughts...
I myself have been there /done that. My outlook? If the parents are helping financially, then it is their funds and should have some say. While I don't feel there should be strings attached to control the entire event - I understand the parent's feelings of controlling how their portion may be allocated. If the couple does not like it - they certainly do not need to accept those funds - and can have complete control by paying for everything themselves. If they decide to accept funds - I would certainly highly recommend this is only done after sitting down with the parents helping to furnish the finances to find out exactly what they are expecting. If you're lucky you'll just get a series of kisses and best wishes and an open invite to use as you wish... most often this is not the case... If this happens just be respectful and courteous - if they just want to be sure there may be a few additional people on the list to attend - consider the fact that your parents have raised you for many years. They are proud of you and your accomplishments. They want to share their happiness not only with you - but with the friends they are close to as well - even if they may not be anyone you would have ever invited to your wedding... They just want to share their joy in seeing you finally find the love you deserve. So please try to understand they may not be trying to take over every aspect of your day - but simply proud of everything you've done and become and are trying to show off their pride in your decisions...
If you have one of "those" sets of parents who are trying their hardest to control every aspect - again - sit down and have a meeting upon receipt of funds to know what is expected from everyone. If you really are not happy with the way they may be getting involved , I would highly suggest finding an alternate source of funding so they can not hold that over you to obtain a version of their dream wedding instead of yours...Being sure everyone is on the same page prior to starting your venue and vendor searches will be key to keeping everyone's sanity intact!!!
Just know parents are always trying to do the right thing - sometimes it just may not seem like it... best word of advice - love them anyway and think of how you'll treat your kids when they finally choose a spouse! And keep communication open!
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